after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
