All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
