On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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