Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
