she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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