nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
