Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
