Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Mom said you looked used
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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