Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
