Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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