you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
