I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
