i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
