He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
