WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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