i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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