so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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