also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
