remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
