if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
