Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
