wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
