If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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