you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
