i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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