Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
