if only i could text you this smell
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
