this boner is exhausting
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
