I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
