I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
