shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I want you more than these girls want KFC
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
