There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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