is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
