the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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