Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
