mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
