Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
