Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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