I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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