I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
