Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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