is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
