I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I love you.
Bad choice
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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