All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm too high and old for this...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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