she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
