Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
