you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
