Your face is a jimmy john
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
