id be glad to
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
