Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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