you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
