she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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