I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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