yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
