I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
