can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
