Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
