Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
